ineke.co.uk

Keanu Reeves is the age Richard Wilson was, when One foot in the grave started. 54.

— Martyn (@BadWilf) June 23, 2019

Dear Andy, please give this serious consideration. It would be ‘such fun’. Miranda has a remarkable overhead and reach PLUS she would be happy to stand in the tramlines and do what u tell her. Love from Mum x https://t.co/ErdwxpzM2v

— judy murray (@JudyMurray) June 23, 2019

At the end of 2018, for the first time in human history, the number of people over the age of 65 surpassed the number of people under 5.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 24, 2019

People who go on and on oabout the fact that Britain fought in Two World Wars perhaps forget something: so did most other countries. The clue is in the word "world."

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) June 24, 2019

20 British points to anyone today who has said the sentence "We need a good storm to clear the air.”

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 24, 2019

We will abolish the current 'Meals on Wheels' service, and instead propose to serve the meals on plates.#Manicfesto

— 📢 oFFiCiaL mONsTEr rAvINg lOOnY PArTy 🎩 (@Official_MRLP) June 20, 2019

So @Tesco say that they could remove plastic packaging tomorrow if it was the right thing to do. I think it’s the right thing to do. I reckon @itsanitarani thinks it’s the right thing to do. What do YOU think? #WarOnPlastic #OurPlasticFeedback

— Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (@HughFW) June 24, 2019

As the Brexit Party launches legal challenge over narrow defeat in Peterborough by-election, some suggest they lost and should therefore get over it.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) June 25, 2019

Absolutely elated to learn that Tesco is Orthodox pic.twitter.com/SytriEzmiW

— Katherine Bayford 🍐 (@kebayf) June 25, 2019

In The Santa Clause, parents don't believe in Santa, despite the fact that Santa exists. Where do they think all these presents come from?

— It’s Keaton! (@EvilKeaton) June 23, 2019

“Coffee can help you lose weight” say researchers, after study in local Starbucks finds customers losing five to ten pounds every time they go in.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) June 25, 2019

Boris Johnson has just described the Garden Bridge as an “excellent project”. It cost £53m and doesn’t exist.

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) June 25, 2019

SIMON McCOY – NATIONAL TREASURE

CHAPTER 482

On Boris Johnson’s painting buses. @BBCSimonMcCoy pic.twitter.com/EMV1kQ9ALp

— Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) June 25, 2019

Outstanding job by the @EcoverUK team on this innovation. Visited @waitrose in Oxford to see it in action. Very proud of the team! pic.twitter.com/sm4Z2YjFRU

— H Fisk Johnson, Ph.D. (@HFiskJohnson) June 26, 2019

After Jeremy Hunt says the UK’s next Prime Minister must be trustworthy, many wonder if there’s a third candidate that they’re unaware of.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) June 26, 2019

It's impossible to lick your own elbow. Easy to lick someone else's though.#WednesdayWisdom

— innocent drinks (@innocent) June 26, 2019

In this scenario, the 'I make cardboard buses' thing was the dead cat, meant to draw attention away from 'my girlfriend shouted at me to get off her and the police were called'. He's moved from scumbag to 'madman in the corner with the safety scissors and the glitter.' Result. https://t.co/JeBfD2Z8VC

— Jay Rayner (@jayrayner1) June 26, 2019

What does @Ed_Miliband do to relax?

Come & see us live in Clapham on 28th July. Tickets here: https://t.co/QPSfnCyIil pic.twitter.com/jYHvxz90x8

— Reasons to be Cheerful (@CheerfulPodcast) June 26, 2019

A study of PIN codes in the UK showed 11% of people use 1234. The least used PIN is 8068.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 27, 2019

Anyone who doubts the power of reading should know there are about 20 bunny rabbits wrecking my garden and they’d be dead now if I hadn’t read Watership Down when I was 8.

— S J Watson (@SJ_Watson) June 26, 2019

OPD Officer Alex Kipp was returning home from work when he pulled over his daughter Talynn for driving on the wrong side of the road. When asked for her license, registration, and proof of insurance, Talynn laughed at Officer Kipp and was subsequently let go with just a warning. pic.twitter.com/CIjyEhv02c

— Orlando Police (@OrlandoPolice) June 25, 2019

“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it three times.”
Phil Neville, clearly a man who refuses to exaggerate. I respect that. pic.twitter.com/YFVkLe8pqL

— Jon Richardson (@RonJichardson) June 27, 2019

I'm no body language expert, but I'm not sure this episode of First Dates is going to go well. pic.twitter.com/qlHVT7Egok

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) June 28, 2019

I take it all back. Brexit's going to be brilliant. https://t.co/2KdCo5zFka

— James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) June 28, 2019

They campaigned saying no deal would never happen. Now @BorisJohnson says it’s what we voted for. He’s a liar. Put it to the people.
(Billboard location: Padmore Rd, Dudley) pic.twitter.com/ljd3WEGGGz

— Led By Donkeys (@ByDonkeys) June 28, 2019

This is Napa. Her favorite park is closed for renovations today. All the other parks just aren’t the same. 14/10 pic.twitter.com/2NMqdhvmh8

— WeRateDogs (@dog_rates) June 27, 2019

My dog and I are both deaf so I try to teach her tricks in sign. I sign “nice to meet you” and then we shake paws pic.twitter.com/Gh3jgwPk10

— becca 🤟🏻 (@beccamals) June 28, 2019